In a Nutshell: The Expendables 2

3 1/2 out of 5 Lebowski's

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Chuck Norris, Dolph Lundgren, Liam Hemsworth and Jean Claude Van-Damme with Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger

This is by far Stallone’s best work since…umm…let’s say… I really don’t know…Get Carter? Stallone has made a punching bag out of himself lately. He had a promising career. Would you believe me if I told you that Rocky in the late 70’s won Academy Awards? It’s true. But then he came out with Like A Rhinestone Cowboy. Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot. All the unnecessary Rocky's. And a ton more. I never liked any of Rambo’s blood movies. It’s actually quite sad, because Stallone has had some serious hits. Which is why I’m so proud of him right now. He has actually hit the box office head on, with an original idea. Do what we all wished as kids, or young adults, and get these muscle heads in the same movie. It was great when we were younger, everyone had their own niche. Stallone had sequels, that only had a cult following, with the occasional hit that was worthy (Judge Dredd, The Specialist, Demolition Man, Get Carter, Daylight). Van Damme had his foot yielding/Roundhouse kicking bad ass films (Cyborg, Kickboxer, Blood Sport, Double Impact, TimeCop). Bruce Willis does whatever he damn well wants. He’s that good of an actor. Steven Seagal, though I don’t like, had his minions as well, I don’t know why. And Ahhnold was just the baddest dude on the planet, ask Predator, or James Cameron’s bank account. They were all good at it, and their wallets at the time, or Van Damme’s cocaine mountain on his coffee table, could prove it. But we all longed for them to make a film together. Especially since Van Damme and Lundgren’s, or Stallone and Lundgren’s Rocky IV, gave us a belly full of happiness. This makes the best part of the film, which is the fact that they all know what they are doing. They all know they were corny at one point, but the best in the business at the same time. And though its 30 years later, seeing them all grace the scene, the best thing I have to say about this movie, is that at least I’m not saying its 30 years too late.

There’s no plot, nor is there a point in having one. Stallone knows the ingredients, and with a new director in the always reliable Simon West (Con Air), the film knows it’s role, and it kicks ass and makes you laugh your ass off watching it. Schwarzenegger especially who seems to effortlessly thrive while making fun of himself and his compadres. He steals every scene, and to be honest, it feels good to see him in a movie again (Not just the cameo he had in the 1^st) and dropping his lines.

Van Damme doesn’t steal the show the way Ahhnold does with his one hand-gun wielding self, but he’s in too good of shape, and still looking pretty damn good to not be the physically able bad guy. Can you see Stallone fighting Chuck Norris in the finale, and making it realistic? Van Damme, though on coke, and with the 2^nd most mind numbing dialogue in his films (2nd to Steven Seagal and Stallone in a virtual tie) has always been able to impress. His roundhouse kicks, are the best roundhouse kicks. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks are kindergarten compared to "The Muscles From Brussel's!" 

Statham of course is up for game. He’s underused in my opinion. Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews and Randy Couture could be out of the film as well as they are on it. Stallone gives himself the steak while everyone else eats fish. Yes, he’s still in good shape, and yes he’s the genius and we thank him for bringing these giant’s together. But isn’t it better to have Statham, The Rock or even Karl Urban lead the way? Stallone deserves his shine, and he makes sure he gets it. But we all know Ahhnold is the baddest to ever do it. And what makes it cool to have Ahhnold and JCVD in the same movie, is that they are both the kings of corny 1 liners. JCVD, in my opinion has the funniest zinger of all time when Van Damme tells his girlfriend who confuses him with his twin brother in Double Impact: “I don’t even wear, a silk underwear.”  I'm talking about corny zingers, not the monumental punch lines that Ahhnold has given in his whole career.

In a nutshell: Schwarzenegger steals the movie, while Van Damme plays the best character. The film only works because the cast knows what it is, and doesn’t go over the top. Well they do, but its fun watching them. If you’re a big action nut, you won’t be disappointed. I would've honestly given this movie a 4 star rating. But I just feel like instead of taking this film seriously they just focused on nothing but fun. Maybe the next one will bring the real action and seriousness taking this franchise to the next level.